Midnight & the Meaning of Love ~ Can one man really love multiple wives completely?

First let me say this, I have no intentions of being wife number one of any number.  Good bad or indifferent I was not raised to share a man, however, after reading Sister Soulja's latest book, I have a different perspective.

Midnight & the Meaning of Love is the sequel to Sister Soulja's book Midnight.  It is a beautiful story of love and what one young man will do to preserve that love.  As good books should, Sister Soulja caused me through her story to examine some of my thoughts and ideas, especially the idea of multiple wives.  Other than the small group of Americans who practice polygamy, multiple wives is not common in America and I would suppose more likely than frowned upon.  I know I have always thought a woman who would be married to a man who had multiple wives was weak and evidently had personal issues.  However, after reading this book, which is clearly fiction but laced in well researched cultural history, my perspective has changed; at least ideologically.

Is it possible to love more than one person at one time?  I think if we are honest, especially those of us who have had multiple relationships can probably agree that you can.  Although each person is loved differently they are loved just the same.

Most women would say that all men cheat.  A number of women claim to not know when their significant other is cheating or some women just accept it.  So instinctively are we as woman agreeing to share our man?  The only difference is the not "alleged" not knowing.  If a woman really doesn't know that means that he must be loving them both well, I would assume.  Is it the knowing that we as Americans can't accept?  Would we rather live a lie than live the truth?

In the book, Midnight is a Sudanese young man who falls in love with a second woman while attempting to get his Japanese wife (who turns out to really be Korean) back who was kidnapped by her father.  Akemi, the first wife, although hurt by her husbands love for the second wife accepted her because of her love for her husband.  Akemi had a strong faith that her husband would never leave her, but knew that he would always love Chiasa, the second wife.  Now, what does that sound like?  An American love triangle if I ever heard of one.  The exchange between the two women was real and a sense of love and frustration was clear.  Once back in America, Midnight's mom told him that Chiasa was also really a number one and only accepting the position of number two.  She commented that Akemi was a strong woman to accept to this other number one into her life.  She then told her son that he would not be able to keep them happy in the same house because of their strong spirits and that he would have too have another house or apartment for Chiasa.  So, now we have two women and two households and forgot to tell you on is definitely pregnant and the other more likely than not pregnant.  I am sure many a woman can confess to the secret family her husband had that was never acknowledged out loud, but everyone and everybody new it.

The characters, Akemi and Chiasa, were not week women.  They were strong and beautiful in their own right, but out of love for their husband and a respect for the Muslim culture they were willing to share one man.  They were willing to cover themselves and follow the traditions and teachings of the Quaran.  Midnight was sure that as a "good Muslim man" he could do right by both woman.  In fact he believed that a "good Muslim man" would only take multiple wives if he could do right by them all both emotionally and financially.  Is that possible.....for real?  Could be if there are good Muslim men and the many women that we American woman criticize so often are really happy.

I leave you with several questions.  Given the state of most relationships now and the amount of cheating that goes on are we kidding ourselves about the instinctive nature of men?  Is being with multiple women instinctive?  Is our view of relationships realistic if this instinctive nature is real?  Is our view of relationships based on lies?  Aren't a number of woman sharing men anyway?  What's the difference in being one of multiple wives and one of multiple women?  Can a man really love more than one woman completely?

Hoodrats....Oh So Cool in 2011

I have resisted the urge over the last couple of seasons to blog about the infamous Basketball Wives, most of whom are not wives.  However, after watching the reunion show I just cannot resist.

When I was growing up my grandmother constantly reminded us to be "ladylike."  In fact every now and then she will say "Tiffany, ladies don't talk like that."  I just smile and say "yes ma'am," because after all she is right.  Betty Wright told us we had to be a "lady in the street."  So what happened?  Did the ladies stop teaching their daughters to be ladies?  Why has it become the in thing to be loud and act like hoodrats?

I actually really like Tami.  She always seemed to be "real" and into making her own decisions irrespective of what it meant to be "in the circle."  However, for some reason she has let Meca Claxton bring out the worst in her.  She is now constantly screaming profanities and repeatedly threatening to beat her a$$ and actually following through with it.  I am extremely disappointed in her.  She is a mother and a mentor to young ladies.  Is that the image she wants to portray?  Don't get me wrong, I have hoodrat tendencies and when pushed I can be just as back alley ghetto as Evelyn.  However, ladies real ladies know when to hold em and when to fold em.  It is not necessary for every disagreement to result in throwing around the "b" word or physical altercations.  As mothers and as women we should be so much more than that.  We should not want the world to define us as that.  And most importantly we should not be proud of that.

Is America Still Beautiful?

On Sunday morning I woke up in the early morning hours hearing the words to the song America the Beautiful coupled with the television going on and on and on about Casey Anthony's release.  I grunted and went back to sleep.  When I woke again, the words to America the Beautiful was still running in my head and they were still talking about Casey Anthony.  But for some reason my mind immediately went to the Children's Defense Fund's State of America's Children Report and I couldn't help but wonder is America still beautiful?

I am sure that the Indians, in times before Christopher Columbus, thought America was beautiful and appreciated her in all her glory.   Would they still believe in her beauty after being transplated across the bad lands?  Do the many children who after being found to be abused or neglected and recieve no services believe in her beauty?  Do the other children represented in the Report believe in her beauty?  Do I even really believe in America's beauty when I look around me?

The CDF's Report reveals the following (in no specific order):

• Every 11 seconds of the school day a child drops out
• A majority of children in all racial and income groups and almost 80% of Black and Hispanic children in public schools cannot read or do math at grade level in fourth, eighth, or 12th grades
• America is 1st in number of billionaires and last in relative child poverty
• America is 1st in number of persons incarcerated and last in protecting our children against gun violence
• America is 1st in military weapons exports and defense expenditures, but 31st in math scores and in the gap between the rich and the poor
• Black women are more likely to die due to pregnancy complications than women in 54 other nations, including Iran and Albania
• Every second a public school student is suspended
• Every 8 seconds a high school student drops out (every 4 seconds for a black child)
• Every 21 seconds a child is arrested
• Every 34 seconds a child is born into poverty
• Every 42 seconds a child is born without health insurance and is confirmed abused or neglected
• A total of 15.5 million children or one in every 5 lived in poverty in 2009

How can a country that boast itself as the greatest place, treat and/or allow its chidren to be in such dire conditions?  Congress is fighting over whether to pay its bills and there are children starving.  Republicans are doing everything they can to ensure that the health care is rolled back, while millions of children are in need of health care.  I guess when tax payers pay for your kids to be insured its kinda hard to care about someone elses kids. 

It is time we take a long hard look at America........without the rose colored glasses.  If we continue to treat our children in the way we do, America will never be as beautiful as I am sure it was to the Indians before Columbus came.

The Anti Baby Mama Book

While visiting the Shrine of the Black Madonna in Atlanta, I was standing at the counter paying for some books and noticed a book behind the cash register titled "The Anti Baby Mama Book."  I initially laughed, asked to see a copy, and told my LS that I had to get the book because I could only imagine what it could be about and contain between the cover.  

I must say I was pleasantly surprised.  The author does a very good job of explaining several things.  One that anyone can be a "baby mama."  It is not about economics.  She also speaks on why you shouldn't want to be a baby mama.  I actually read the book from cover to cover in a couple of hours.  I simply could not put it down.  I know plenty of women who jokingly refer to themselves as the "baby mama."  But I also know plenty of women/girls who seriously are "baby mamas."

After reading the book I begin to reflect on what it really means to be a "baby mama" and if that is what we as women should be allowing anyone to refer to us as.  Is it a term of endearment or love?  Absolutely not! In fact quite frankly it minimizes the role of being a mother.  Unfortunately, there are many women who actually probably deserve the title, however, there are many more who for whatever reason have allowed themselves to be referred to this, but definitely should not allow it.

Truthfully speaking there is nothing positive gained when you hear the term "baby mama."  It is usually preceded with "she's just my..." or followed by "drama."  I would dare say that she is probably (if she is truly a reflection of the term) someone who got pregnant on purpose thinking (wrongly) that a baby would make him love her, stay around, or somehow bind them together forever.  When in reality none of the above has transpired.  

I also thought about when the phrase came about because when I was growing up that was not a catch phrase in referring to a parent of either sex.  The only thing I can think of was the song by B Rock and the Biz "That's Just My Baby Daddy."  Anyone else know of another origin?

I have asked the question many times and I will ask it again.  Does it matter what you are called?  Some would say it only matters what you answer too, however, I would suggest that if you are called something long enough you will eventually answer.  

I strongly suggest that you pick this book up and really give what the author says some thought and have the conversation.  The only way we grow is if we begin to honestly address some of what is going on in our communities.  I would definitely say this minimization of parenting and parents is definitely a problem that needs addressing and who knows, maybe it starts with what we define ourselves as.

Make Peace with Your Beast

Periodically when I go through magazines I find stuff that really catches my eye, inspires me or just plain out makes me think.  While reading the May 2011 issue of O, I ran across a piece on Cristina Carlino. One of the things she said really struck a chord with me and I wanted to share.

You need to make peace with your "beast."

I believe that all women have a beauty and a beast within.  The beast is that inner voice that makes you question your worth, and it gets louder with age.  Those negative emotions can crush your beauty.  The solution?  Not to fight the beast but to make peace with it.  Your reward will be loving the whole woman you have become instead of the divided woman you are.


Think about your beast and really work to make peace with her.  I know my inner beast very well and I have always battled against her.  I am not clear at this moment how to reconcile with her, but I am going to definitely work on it cause it can only free up energy to reach my complete potential.

Sidekick, Wifey, Jumpoff, Wife......Does the title matter?

Finally getting around to reading my April 2011 Essence and ran across the article entitled "What's in a Name?"   The article's first couple of lines caught my eye as it talked about the fact that Lebron James called his long term live in girlfriend and mother of his two children "a great sidekick."  In fact the full quote given Harper's Bazaar ~ was "A person like myself always needs a great sidekick."  My initial reaction was like WOW!  The mother of your kids and the woman you live with and have dated for years is a "sidekick."  I read on.

The author talked to some guys she knows about the title.  One said that titles are "archaic societal parameters rooted in insecurity."  Another said titles really didn't matter.  More specifically he says "What I call her doesn't matter."  So I guess you can call her a bitch and that doesn't make a difference....

The men in the room with my all agreed that the title was interesting.  I must say that I would not want to be referred to as a "sidekick" by the man that I am suppose to be in a committed relationship with.  Does a man marry his sidekick?  Is sidekick a term of endearment (on some level), kinda like "bottom bitch?"   For those of you who don't know bottom bitch is the term for the main chick.   She is referred to as bottom because she is the missionary one, if you get my drift.  Sidekick to me kinda sounds like a friend with benefits or like that woman who isn't going anywhere no matter what level of disrespect and/or degredation her man subjects her too.  I wonder if LeBron's "sidekick" refers to him as her "sidekick?'

What do you think?  If you are trying to be someone's wife do you want to be the "sidekick?"  Can a "sidekick" be elevated to wife status?

Abortion legislation in 2011

EARLY this morning I was up listening to MSNBC and I think I heard the news caster doing a commentary on republicans working to put more restrictions and restraints on abortion and a woman's right to choose, even in instances where the mom's life is at danger.  I also heard her say that 87% of the counties in the United States have no access to abortion.  Republicans have their right to whatever platform they want, but I have to wonder.......why force women to have babies and then work so hard at cutting the social programs that give these babies a fighting chance at any quality of life.  In other words, repubs want to force women to have babies and then not assist them in taking care of them.  Go figure.  The babies are brought up in substandard conditions, given a poor education, enter into a life of crime, become permanent parts of the criminal justice system (which cost the tax payers lots of money) and some go on to be killed by the very institution that forced them into being.  I am not necessarily pro-abortion, but I am for a woman's right to choose.  It is just always ironic to me the contradictory positions that politicians ultimately hold.

Responsibility Part 2

So, I promised I would revisit responsibility as it relates to making babies.  The first side is woman or in some sad cases girls.  The other side is the man or boys.  Now my daddy always told my brother and the boys in the neighborhood that if you don't want a baby with em don't sleep with them.  Are parents teaching their sons that now?

Scenario 1 ~ male, whether man or boy, is having sex with a "jump off."  Jump off gets pregnant on purpose.  How should male feel?  Should he man up and take responsibility since having sex can always lead to the creation of a human life?  Should he demand she have an abortion?  Should he say f it and let her be on her own?

Scenario 2 ~ male is in a relationship with a female.  Both are young and don't really have any stability but they are a couple.  Female gets pregnant on purpose.  What happens?  How should he feel?  What if she gets pregnant on accident?

Those are only 2 scenarios but what are moms teaching their sons?  What about dads?

I guess being that I have a son I hope that I first can instill in responsibility when it comes to sex.  I need for him to understand that at the end of the day a woman controls pro-creation.  That is what my mom and dad taught me.  I also want him to be careful.  If he were caught up in scenario 1, I could understand his resentment.  I could understand him not wanting to have anything to do with the child or the female.  I do however hope that regardless of the scenario he would work through those issues and put his child first.

In teaching our kids responsibility it is important, I believe, to teach them individual responsibility.  When I got ready to go off to college my daddy said to me "don't get yourself in a situation you can't get out of."  He would periodically remind me of this.  What that phrase meant to me was simple.  Take responsibility for your own actions.  If I had gotten into some precarious situations, I believe my dad would have supported me, as would my mom.  However, even though he may have never said anything, I always knew that you are not to get yourself in a situation you can't get out of.  Translation ~ you don't wind up in cars with boys you don't know in places you are unfamiliar.   You don't drink drinks made by people you don't know.  You don't get drunk at a party with a bunch of strangers.  You don't tease boys/men, when you know you have no intentions of putting out.  Because if you do any of these things you may find yourself in a situation that you can't get out of.

NeNe Leakes - The Real Housewives of Atlanta - Under Attack - Blog - Bravo TV Official Site

NeNe Leakes - The Real Housewives of Atlanta - Under Attack - Blog - Bravo TV Official Site

NeNe Leakes
Under Attack
NeNe thinks the other ladies (except Cynthia) have formed an alliance against her.
So Season 3 has come to an end! I'm happy to have it behind me. I've been hard at work, but I've obviously been on these ladies' mind. There are so many issues I could address over the past few weeks with these ladies, but I choose not to because it's easy to attack and judge! Those of you who have formed an opinion, nothing I say will change that! For those of you who love me, you will continue to do so. These ladies have apparently formed an alliance except for Cynthia who happens to have a brain of her own. I don't have the energy nor do I have the time to stoop to their level of ignorance. I understand that everything about me is under attack, from the color of my polish to the style of my shoes, because I'm a threat! I refuse to follow the leader. I am the leader! I have a take charge attitude so that makes me fierce competition. Life is about changing for the better, becoming the very best, learning from your mistakes and doing it better the next time around. So if I attack back that would make me appear low. I'm a star in the sky so I'll just stay up high because through it all, I'm still standing! Thanks for all the comments, the good and the bad. FYI: Check me out on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice March 6th.

So I really was not going to blog about the women of Atlanta because I don't think they are worth the time. They are VERY entertaining and for the most part depict all things negative about being women and being a black woman. However, when I read this blog today I just couldn't resist!

1. "because it is easy to attack and judge!" Ummmmm have you watched any of the footage? NeNe is constantly on the attack ~ verbally and sometimes close to physically.

2. ".....Cynthia who happens to have a brain of her own." What happened to Cynthia being crazy?

3. "Stoop to their level of ignorance." This is my favorite. Is it not ignorant to treat a man who has invited you to his home with disrespect? Is it not ignorant to be 43 and to almost fight another woman? What level of ignorance is that?

4. I admit I was on that nail polish!!! LMAO!

WOW! Evidently NeNe is not realistic about who she is or what she has protrayed on the show. Throughout the entire season I felt that she was messy and definitely a person you should call a friend. Now she will be on Celebrity Apprentice....I am willing to bet we will see the same loud, ignorant, un-ladylike behavior that we have seen on RHOA.

Is it the cheating or the getting caught that make us mad?

So I am watching Damages as this topic came up.

Most woman would agree that all men cheat (at some point).  I think so :)  Some would even agree that most women cheat (at some point).  So if that is the premise from which we start is it the cheating or the getting caught that really hurts us?  I would say that it is the getting caught.  I say that because if you get caught that means you are getting sloppy.  If you are getting sloppy that means that either you want to get caught or maybe you no longer care about the other person in the relationships feelings?  Don't get me wrong, getting caught is usually a good thing because it causes us to deal with the issues that led us to cheating in the first place. Anywho, just curious....

Terry McMillan attacks Will & Jada's kids ~ on Twitter

All I can say is WOW!  I personally like Will & Jada's kids and while I don't necessarily agree with some of the things they said about raising them on Oprah, it would not be my place to attack them.  After all they are just kids!  Thinking Terri may just be looking for some attention.

Terry McMillan Needs to Slow Her Roll When Attacking Will Smith's Kids

By Boyce Watkins, PhD on Jan 28th 2011 9:46PM
Filed under: Dr. Boyce Money

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I was surprised to see the esteemed author Terry McMillan slip to an all-time low by attacking the children of Hollywood power couple Will and Jada Smith. Using Twitter as her forum of choice, McMillan expressed her concern that the Smith kids were being "exploited" by their parents in their acting and singing careers. "It feels like the Smith children are being pimped and exploited. Or, they're already hungry for fame. What about 4th grade?" wrote McMillan

She then went on to write the following:

"The Smith children already act like child stars. There's an arrogance in their demeanor and behavior. I find it incredibly sad."

Of course the entire world spread McMillan's words quicker than wildfire. That then led to an apology from McMillan:

"I apologize for using the word pimp and exploit in referring to the Smith children. It was insensitive of me and wrong."

Oddly enough, McMillan then took her back apology and went on a diatribe about Twitter culture and why people were so fixated on her words in the first place.

"So, I'm on blast? Too bad when I talk about what's happening in the government, the GOP, racism, love, etc., doesn't go viral."

"These are probably the same folks who live for reality TV and don't care about an SAT score. Or college."

"I think of followers as friends I'm letting into my living room. We differ in opinion but aren't rude. Others: I wouldn't let in my front yard"

To use a phrase that we might be more likely to hear in the hood, Terry McMillan needs to just sit down. Her words are way off the mark, and unless she understands the workings of the Smith household, she needs to be careful about insulting someone else's children in public. Her comments remind me of when Fox News host Glenn Beck attacked Malia Obama just a few months ago.

McMillan has no idea why the Smith children decided to pursue acting careers. I can't imagine Will and Jada having to "pimp" their kids to make ends meet. Will Smith is not Gary Coleman's father, so I hardly expect that he's living off of the money being earned by his kids or that he's somehow living vicariously through their fame.

Given that the Smiths have a son who doesn't do very much in the public eye, it is quite likely that they are allowing their children to decide what they want to do. Using the power of their platform, they are also opening windows of opportunity for their children, no differently from the Kennedy family, the Jacksons or anyone else who has paved a way for their kids. Personally, I would have loved to have had a father who could help me become a respected actor or singer at an early age; it would have been fun.

With regard to McMillan's comments about the children's arrogance, only time will tell. I too grow concerned with anyone who gets that much attention and power at such an early age. I hope the family is keeping the children grounded and not creating little monsters. Teaching your kids to have confidence and "Hollywood swag" is very different from allowing them to turn into jerks.

The bottom line is that Terry McMillan has no business publicly attacking another couple's children. Whatever issues she has with Will and Jada should stay among adults. Attacking the children in a family is a no-no, and Terry McMillan should be ashamed.

Theft Charges Dropped Against Bolar-Williams

Glad to see something being done.  This is a true sign of the disparity of our educational system.  It is wonderful, I think, to see a mother doing whatever it takes to make sure her children get a quality based education.  Not to mention it is not like she forged and address.  She used the address of her father.  I have said it before and I will say it again, if public education was equal on both sides of the tracks this would not be necessary.  Be sure and sign the petition at colorofchange.org  

Kelley Williams-Bolar Update: Theft Charge Dismissed Against Ohio Mom, Some Felony Counts Remain

By Alexis Stodghill on Feb 2nd 2011 5:57PM
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From TheGrio.com:

On Monday grand theft charges were dismissed against Kelley Williams-Bolar and her father, Edward Williams, in the school residency case that has outraged the nation. But both still face felony counts of tampering with records, and the case continues to be a key part of the national debate over education reform.

The 40-year-old single mother of two works as a teacher's assistant for special needs kids at a nearby high school and is going to school for her own teacher certification. She lives in an Akron housing project, but sent her daughters to school in the wealthier district of by using her father's home address in neighboring Copley-Fairlawn.

Mary Shackleford Harvey: I Want an Apology

Mary Shackleford Harvey: I Want an Apology

The link above is the interview that Tom Joyner had with Steve Harvey's ex-wife. I find the article interesting on a number of fronts. I have never really liked Steve and although I find some of the information in his books to be true (my grandmother taught me a lot about what he says) he forgets that situations are different, people are different, and circumstances are different and for me makes too many generalizations. However, I find it odd that she says she got nothing from the divorce, being that as an attorney I would think there would be loads of lawyers who would love the feather in their cap of getting Steve Harvey to pay. It is unfortunate that she doesn't have a relationship with her son, however, I am not sure her explanation is acceptable to me. There is nothing in this world that could keep me from having a relationship my son, even if me and his father were not together and his father had custody. I just don't understand that, not to mention the courts and the staff of the courts will generally help anyone who wants to have a quality relationship with their children make that happen. I will say that Mary seems bitter and sad. She says that Steve did not treat her right, but still blames Marjorie for their divorce. Why do women want to stay in relationships that don't make them happy? Why does anyone? I don't know. Anywho, you be the judge of what you think. You can also catch her talking on youtube. If I were Mary, I would be living my best life if for no other reason than to let Steve and Marjorie know they couldn't get me down.

Responsibility

This topic will probably come in several different forms.  However, this one only deals with the ladies perspective.  So don't start off by saying "what the guy should do" as in this case it doesn't matter.  We are only talking about what we as women should or should not take responsibility for.

So, I was listening to Steve Harvey on Friday morning.  There was a young lady on the air who got pregnant by a man who she knew had no intentions of being with her.  She knew that she was only a friend with benefit and in the beginning she agreed to this arrangement.  She at some point (maybe in the beginning) had feelings for this man.  So, she gets pregnant.  My question is, should she expect this man to support his child emotionally and/or financially?  She claims to no longer be interested in him, but wants him to have a relationship with his child.  A child by the way that he had no say so in the creation and did not want.  What are we teaching our daughters?  Is it ok to trap a man and then expect him to play daddy?  Should he not have a say so in whether or not he brings a life into the world?  If a woman gets pregnant without her partners permission and on purpose in hopes of trapping him, should she be prepared to except the ultimate consequence of him not wanting or participating in the life of this child?

Will look at the other side later on in the week.

Responsibility

This topic will probably come in several different forms.  However, this one only deals with the ladies perspective.  So don't start off by saying "what the guy should do" as in this case it doesn't matter.  We are only talking about what we as women should or should not take responsibility for.

So, I was listening to Steve Harvey on Friday morning.  There was a young lady on the air who got pregnant by a man who she knew had no intentions of being with her.  She knew that she was only a friend with benefit and in the beginning she agreed to this arrangement.  She at some point (maybe in the beginning) had feelings for this man.  So, she gets pregnant.  My question is, should she expect this man to support his child emotionally and/or financially?  She claims to no longer be interested in him, but wants him to have a relationship with his child.  A child by the way that he had no say so in the creation and did not want.  What are we teaching our daughters?  Is it ok to trap a man and then expect him to play daddy?  Should he not have a say so in whether or not he brings a life into the world?  If a woman gets pregnant without her partners permission and on purpose in hopes of trapping him, should she be prepared to except the ultimate consequence of him not wanting or participating in the life of this child?

Will look at the other side later on in the week.

Can cheating in "the marital bed" be forgiven?

This was a topic on the Today Show this morning and I just couldn't resist weighing in.  I will first say this ~   I have been cheated on (as most of have) and I have been cheated with (as some of us have if we are truly honest).  Cheating is a topic that women discuss often and some what hypocritically (will save that for another day). 

The thing I noted most from the conversation on the Today Show was something my grandmother has spoken of often ~ and that is cheating can be done with integrity.  Go figure.  I do have to wonder though if we call it cheating with integrity because it allows us to forgive and continue in the relationship?  I know that for me I believe all men and most women cheat at some point for various reasons.  Does this allow us to rationalize certain behaviors?  But I do have to agree and it is because I agree that I don't believe that cheating in the marital bed can be forgiven.  Honestly, I don't believe cheating under the roof you live in with your spouse, partner, significant other etc. can be forgiven.  I am not even sure if I believe that when you are just dating that cheating at the house can be forgiven.  But back to the integrity thing.  I absolutely believe that cheating can be done with integrity.  I also believe that everyone should play their position (another topic for another day).

Curious....do you all think that cheating in the marital bed can be forgiven?  How many times have you forgive someone for cheating?  Do you think it is easier for women to forgive than men? 

How Quickly We Forget!

I have seen this numerous times, but just had to post it as it is so true!!!

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed
eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine..' This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who

was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.

Rapist In Your Neighborhood

I was watching Lifetime this morning at about 2:00 a.m.  Don't ask!  This movie was on about a rapist moving into this small community.  Evidently was a fairly old movie because at the end it stated that only 16 states required reporting of sex offenders moving in a neighborhood.  I think that number is a lot larger now.

Anyway, the rapist moves into the neighborhood his brother lives in.  The people in the town go crazy.  They have this town meeting demanding that he not be allowed to move there.  The brother stands up and reminds them that they all attend church together and that God calls for forgiveness.  Of course they didn't want to hear it and as soon as someone is raped they blame him.  He didn't do it.  They kill his dog.  And eventually he leaves the neighborhood.

I began to question myself.  How would I react if a rapist moved in my neighborhood (although there probably is one, I just don't know it).  Would my Christian Principals and Values step in?  Could I forgive and offer redemption?  Would I stereotype him?  Does it matter if he raped one person or 10.  How can I be a true Christian if I couldn't forgive or at least treat him normally?  Does it matter that sex offenders have a high recidivism rate?  Should it matter?  Am I a hypocrit if I expect forgiveness and second chances, but can't give them? 

What are your thoughts?

Follower

Yea!  I have a follower!  Katasha inbox me your mailing address.  Going to send you something special for making me feel special!

My Princess Boy

This morning while getting ready I was watching the Today Show as always and caught the segment about "My Princess Boy."  I was so amazed, awe struck and admiring of a woman who is accepting her son as he is.  He is four years old and likes to dress as a girl.  She stated that she was having difficulty with it until her older said "why can't you let him be happy."  Those words were so amazing and powerful to me!  Out of the mouths of babes.  Her son will probably grow up happy, healthy and most importantly knowing he is loved.  I remember reading E. Lynn Harris' memoirs and the amount of time he spent talking about how he worried if he his family and friends would still love him if he were gay.  That has to be a lonely and fearful existence.  Acceptance is a wonderful thing.  Could you accept this of your son?  Could I?  Honestly, I don't know.  I can say I hope I don't have too.  (What does that statement say about me?)  I know lots of gay people and love them dearly.  But do I want that for my son?  Does any parent?  Love and acceptance is the most important thing though no matter what.  Kudos to she, her family and her "Princess Boy."