Sunday, May 1, 2011

Make Peace with Your Beast

Periodically when I go through magazines I find stuff that really catches my eye, inspires me or just plain out makes me think.  While reading the May 2011 issue of O, I ran across a piece on Cristina Carlino. One of the things she said really struck a chord with me and I wanted to share.

You need to make peace with your "beast."


I believe that all women have a beauty and a beast within.  The beast is that inner voice that makes you question your worth, and it gets louder with age.  Those negative emotions can crush your beauty.  The solution?  Not to fight the beast but to make peace with it.  Your reward will be loving the whole woman you have become instead of the divided woman you are.


Think about your beast and really work to make peace with her.  I know my inner beast very well and I have always battled against her.  I am not clear at this moment how to reconcile with her, but I am going to definitely work on it cause it can only free up energy to reach my complete potential.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Sidekick, Wifey, Jumpoff, Wife......Does the title matter?

Finally getting around to reading my April 2011 Essence and ran across the article entitled "What's in a Name?"   The article's first couple of lines caught my eye as it talked about the fact that Lebron James called his long term live in girlfriend and mother of his two children "a great sidekick."  In fact the full quote given Harper's Bazaar ~ was "A person like myself always needs a great sidekick."  My initial reaction was like WOW!  The mother of your kids and the woman you live with and have dated for years is a "sidekick."  I read on.

The author talked to some guys she knows about the title.  One said that titles are "archaic societal parameters rooted in insecurity."  Another said titles really didn't matter.  More specifically he says "What I call her doesn't matter."  So I guess you can call her a bitch and that doesn't make a difference....

The men in the room with my all agreed that the title was interesting.  I must say that I would not want to be referred to as a "sidekick" by the man that I am suppose to be in a committed relationship with.  Does a man marry his sidekick?  Is sidekick a term of endearment (on some level), kinda like "bottom bitch?"   For those of you who don't know bottom bitch is the term for the main chick.   She is referred to as bottom because she is the missionary one, if you get my drift.  Sidekick to me kinda sounds like a friend with benefits or like that woman who isn't going anywhere no matter what level of disrespect and/or degredation her man subjects her too.  I wonder if LeBron's "sidekick" refers to him as her "sidekick?'

What do you think?  If you are trying to be someone's wife do you want to be the "sidekick?"  Can a "sidekick" be elevated to wife status?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Abortion legislation in 2011

EARLY this morning I was up listening to MSNBC and I think I heard the news caster doing a commentary on republicans working to put more restrictions and restraints on abortion and a woman's right to choose, even in instances where the mom's life is at danger.  I also heard her say that 87% of the counties in the United States have no access to abortion.  Republicans have their right to whatever platform they want, but I have to wonder.......why force women to have babies and then work so hard at cutting the social programs that give these babies a fighting chance at any quality of life.  In other words, repubs want to force women to have babies and then not assist them in taking care of them.  Go figure.  The babies are brought up in substandard conditions, given a poor education, enter into a life of crime, become permanent parts of the criminal justice system (which cost the tax payers lots of money) and some go on to be killed by the very institution that forced them into being.  I am not necessarily pro-abortion, but I am for a woman's right to choose.  It is just always ironic to me the contradictory positions that politicians ultimately hold.

Responsibility Part 2

So, I promised I would revisit responsibility as it relates to making babies.  The first side is woman or in some sad cases girls.  The other side is the man or boys.  Now my daddy always told my brother and the boys in the neighborhood that if you don't want a baby with em don't sleep with them.  Are parents teaching their sons that now?

Scenario 1 ~ male, whether man or boy, is having sex with a "jump off."  Jump off gets pregnant on purpose.  How should male feel?  Should he man up and take responsibility since having sex can always lead to the creation of a human life?  Should he demand she have an abortion?  Should he say f it and let her be on her own?

Scenario 2 ~ male is in a relationship with a female.  Both are young and don't really have any stability but they are a couple.  Female gets pregnant on purpose.  What happens?  How should he feel?  What if she gets pregnant on accident?

Those are only 2 scenarios but what are moms teaching their sons?  What about dads?

I guess being that I have a son I hope that I first can instill in responsibility when it comes to sex.  I need for him to understand that at the end of the day a woman controls pro-creation.  That is what my mom and dad taught me.  I also want him to be careful.  If he were caught up in scenario 1, I could understand his resentment.  I could understand him not wanting to have anything to do with the child or the female.  I do however hope that regardless of the scenario he would work through those issues and put his child first.

In teaching our kids responsibility it is important, I believe, to teach them individual responsibility.  When I got ready to go off to college my daddy said to me "don't get yourself in a situation you can't get out of."  He would periodically remind me of this.  What that phrase meant to me was simple.  Take responsibility for your own actions.  If I had gotten into some precarious situations, I believe my dad would have supported me, as would my mom.  However, even though he may have never said anything, I always knew that you are not to get yourself in a situation you can't get out of.  Translation ~ you don't wind up in cars with boys you don't know in places you are unfamiliar.   You don't drink drinks made by people you don't know.  You don't get drunk at a party with a bunch of strangers.  You don't tease boys/men, when you know you have no intentions of putting out.  Because if you do any of these things you may find yourself in a situation that you can't get out of.

Monday, February 14, 2011

NeNe Leakes - The Real Housewives of Atlanta - Under Attack - Blog - Bravo TV Official Site

NeNe Leakes - The Real Housewives of Atlanta - Under Attack - Blog - Bravo TV Official Site

NeNe Leakes
Under Attack
NeNe thinks the other ladies (except Cynthia) have formed an alliance against her.
So Season 3 has come to an end! I'm happy to have it behind me. I've been hard at work, but I've obviously been on these ladies' mind. There are so many issues I could address over the past few weeks with these ladies, but I choose not to because it's easy to attack and judge! Those of you who have formed an opinion, nothing I say will change that! For those of you who love me, you will continue to do so. These ladies have apparently formed an alliance except for Cynthia who happens to have a brain of her own. I don't have the energy nor do I have the time to stoop to their level of ignorance. I understand that everything about me is under attack, from the color of my polish to the style of my shoes, because I'm a threat! I refuse to follow the leader. I am the leader! I have a take charge attitude so that makes me fierce competition. Life is about changing for the better, becoming the very best, learning from your mistakes and doing it better the next time around. So if I attack back that would make me appear low. I'm a star in the sky so I'll just stay up high because through it all, I'm still standing! Thanks for all the comments, the good and the bad. FYI: Check me out on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice March 6th.


So I really was not going to blog about the women of Atlanta because I don't think they are worth the time. They are VERY entertaining and for the most part depict all things negative about being women and being a black woman. However, when I read this blog today I just couldn't resist!

1. "because it is easy to attack and judge!" Ummmmm have you watched any of the footage? NeNe is constantly on the attack ~ verbally and sometimes close to physically.

2. ".....Cynthia who happens to have a brain of her own." What happened to Cynthia being crazy?

3. "Stoop to their level of ignorance." This is my favorite. Is it not ignorant to treat a man who has invited you to his home with disrespect? Is it not ignorant to be 43 and to almost fight another woman? What level of ignorance is that?

4. I admit I was on that nail polish!!! LMAO!

WOW! Evidently NeNe is not realistic about who she is or what she has protrayed on the show. Throughout the entire season I felt that she was messy and definitely a person you should call a friend. Now she will be on Celebrity Apprentice....I am willing to bet we will see the same loud, ignorant, un-ladylike behavior that we have seen on RHOA.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Is it the cheating or the getting caught that make us mad?

So I am watching Damages as this topic came up.

Most woman would agree that all men cheat (at some point).  I think so :)  Some would even agree that most women cheat (at some point).  So if that is the premise from which we start is it the cheating or the getting caught that really hurts us?  I would say that it is the getting caught.  I say that because if you get caught that means you are getting sloppy.  If you are getting sloppy that means that either you want to get caught or maybe you no longer care about the other person in the relationships feelings?  Don't get me wrong, getting caught is usually a good thing because it causes us to deal with the issues that led us to cheating in the first place. Anywho, just curious....

Terry McMillan attacks Will & Jada's kids ~ on Twitter

All I can say is WOW!  I personally like Will & Jada's kids and while I don't necessarily agree with some of the things they said about raising them on Oprah, it would not be my place to attack them.  After all they are just kids!  Thinking Terri may just be looking for some attention.


Terry McMillan Needs to Slow Her Roll When Attacking Will Smith's Kids

I was surprised to see the esteemed author Terry McMillan slip to an all-time low by attacking the children of Hollywood power couple Will and Jada Smith. Using Twitter as her forum of choice, McMillan expressed her concern that the Smith kids were being "exploited" by their parents in their acting and singing careers. "It feels like the Smith children are being pimped and exploited. Or, they're already hungry for fame. What about 4th grade?" wrote McMillan

She then went on to write the following:

"The Smith children already act like child stars. There's an arrogance in their demeanor and behavior. I find it incredibly sad."

Of course the entire world spread McMillan's words quicker than wildfire. That then led to an apology from McMillan:

"I apologize for using the word pimp and exploit in referring to the Smith children. It was insensitive of me and wrong."

Oddly enough, McMillan then took her back apology and went on a diatribe about Twitter culture and why people were so fixated on her words in the first place.

"So, I'm on blast? Too bad when I talk about what's happening in the government, the GOP, racism, love, etc., doesn't go viral."

"These are probably the same folks who live for reality TV and don't care about an SAT score. Or college."

"I think of followers as friends I'm letting into my living room. We differ in opinion but aren't rude. Others: I wouldn't let in my front yard"


To use a phrase that we might be more likely to hear in the hood, Terry McMillan needs to just sit down. Her words are way off the mark, and unless she understands the workings of the Smith household, she needs to be careful about insulting someone else's children in public. Her comments remind me of when Fox News host Glenn Beck attacked Malia Obama just a few months ago.

McMillan has no idea why the Smith children decided to pursue acting careers. I can't imagine Will and Jada having to "pimp" their kids to make ends meet. Will Smith is not Gary Coleman's father, so I hardly expect that he's living off of the money being earned by his kids or that he's somehow living vicariously through their fame.

Given that the Smiths have a son who doesn't do very much in the public eye, it is quite likely that they are allowing their children to decide what they want to do. Using the power of their platform, they are also opening windows of opportunity for their children, no differently from the Kennedy family, the Jacksons or anyone else who has paved a way for their kids. Personally, I would have loved to have had a father who could help me become a respected actor or singer at an early age; it would have been fun.

With regard to McMillan's comments about the children's arrogance, only time will tell. I too grow concerned with anyone who gets that much attention and power at such an early age. I hope the family is keeping the children grounded and not creating little monsters. Teaching your kids to have confidence and "Hollywood swag" is very different from allowing them to turn into jerks.

The bottom line is that Terry McMillan has no business publicly attacking another couple's children. Whatever issues she has with Will and Jada should stay among adults. Attacking the children in a family is a no-no, and Terry McMillan should be ashamed.