Midnight & the Meaning of Love ~ Can one man really love multiple wives completely?

First let me say this, I have no intentions of being wife number one of any number.  Good bad or indifferent I was not raised to share a man, however, after reading Sister Soulja's latest book, I have a different perspective.

Midnight & the Meaning of Love is the sequel to Sister Soulja's book Midnight.  It is a beautiful story of love and what one young man will do to preserve that love.  As good books should, Sister Soulja caused me through her story to examine some of my thoughts and ideas, especially the idea of multiple wives.  Other than the small group of Americans who practice polygamy, multiple wives is not common in America and I would suppose more likely than frowned upon.  I know I have always thought a woman who would be married to a man who had multiple wives was weak and evidently had personal issues.  However, after reading this book, which is clearly fiction but laced in well researched cultural history, my perspective has changed; at least ideologically.

Is it possible to love more than one person at one time?  I think if we are honest, especially those of us who have had multiple relationships can probably agree that you can.  Although each person is loved differently they are loved just the same.

Most women would say that all men cheat.  A number of women claim to not know when their significant other is cheating or some women just accept it.  So instinctively are we as woman agreeing to share our man?  The only difference is the not "alleged" not knowing.  If a woman really doesn't know that means that he must be loving them both well, I would assume.  Is it the knowing that we as Americans can't accept?  Would we rather live a lie than live the truth?

In the book, Midnight is a Sudanese young man who falls in love with a second woman while attempting to get his Japanese wife (who turns out to really be Korean) back who was kidnapped by her father.  Akemi, the first wife, although hurt by her husbands love for the second wife accepted her because of her love for her husband.  Akemi had a strong faith that her husband would never leave her, but knew that he would always love Chiasa, the second wife.  Now, what does that sound like?  An American love triangle if I ever heard of one.  The exchange between the two women was real and a sense of love and frustration was clear.  Once back in America, Midnight's mom told him that Chiasa was also really a number one and only accepting the position of number two.  She commented that Akemi was a strong woman to accept to this other number one into her life.  She then told her son that he would not be able to keep them happy in the same house because of their strong spirits and that he would have too have another house or apartment for Chiasa.  So, now we have two women and two households and forgot to tell you on is definitely pregnant and the other more likely than not pregnant.  I am sure many a woman can confess to the secret family her husband had that was never acknowledged out loud, but everyone and everybody new it.

The characters, Akemi and Chiasa, were not week women.  They were strong and beautiful in their own right, but out of love for their husband and a respect for the Muslim culture they were willing to share one man.  They were willing to cover themselves and follow the traditions and teachings of the Quaran.  Midnight was sure that as a "good Muslim man" he could do right by both woman.  In fact he believed that a "good Muslim man" would only take multiple wives if he could do right by them all both emotionally and financially.  Is that possible.....for real?  Could be if there are good Muslim men and the many women that we American woman criticize so often are really happy.

I leave you with several questions.  Given the state of most relationships now and the amount of cheating that goes on are we kidding ourselves about the instinctive nature of men?  Is being with multiple women instinctive?  Is our view of relationships realistic if this instinctive nature is real?  Is our view of relationships based on lies?  Aren't a number of woman sharing men anyway?  What's the difference in being one of multiple wives and one of multiple women?  Can a man really love more than one woman completely?

Hoodrats....Oh So Cool in 2011

I have resisted the urge over the last couple of seasons to blog about the infamous Basketball Wives, most of whom are not wives.  However, after watching the reunion show I just cannot resist.

When I was growing up my grandmother constantly reminded us to be "ladylike."  In fact every now and then she will say "Tiffany, ladies don't talk like that."  I just smile and say "yes ma'am," because after all she is right.  Betty Wright told us we had to be a "lady in the street."  So what happened?  Did the ladies stop teaching their daughters to be ladies?  Why has it become the in thing to be loud and act like hoodrats?

I actually really like Tami.  She always seemed to be "real" and into making her own decisions irrespective of what it meant to be "in the circle."  However, for some reason she has let Meca Claxton bring out the worst in her.  She is now constantly screaming profanities and repeatedly threatening to beat her a$$ and actually following through with it.  I am extremely disappointed in her.  She is a mother and a mentor to young ladies.  Is that the image she wants to portray?  Don't get me wrong, I have hoodrat tendencies and when pushed I can be just as back alley ghetto as Evelyn.  However, ladies real ladies know when to hold em and when to fold em.  It is not necessary for every disagreement to result in throwing around the "b" word or physical altercations.  As mothers and as women we should be so much more than that.  We should not want the world to define us as that.  And most importantly we should not be proud of that.